Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Me and My Big Mouth

My apologies to my rock'n'roll readers for putting up another screenwriting related post. I promise to rectify that soon.

I shouldn't even be doing this post right now. I should be working on one of the ten or so movie poster jobs I just got in. They all have to be finished and printed by the end of the month. Shit, I'm in trouble. I could have a chance at making that deadline if I work all day, every day between now and then but I can't. I'm going to the Austin Film Festival next week. That will take six days out of the twenty-one days I have left.

And now I'm doing this insane post. And it's all because of my big mouth. Suggesting it would be more challenging for screenwriters to put up the first page of the first script they ever wrote. I wasn't being serious, folks. As usual, I expected to be ignored.

Then put something up, but I ignored the challenge becuase his doesn't really count since it's a first page of a new first draft, not the first draft of his first script.

But then picked up on it and threw her real first page down. Danm you, Cynthia. And of course, after that, Miss Pooks called me out on the carpet . Fine, Pooks, I'll bite. Even though you only gave a lovely novelistic summary of your first page, pretending you can't actually find it. Nudge, nudge.

My first page was done in 1997. I had not intention of being a screenwriter. I just had a really great premise I couldn't get out of my head. After writing the first bunch of pages, I stopped. Writing is hard. It was easier to stop. But then the damn thing kept nagging me and on top of that I had told a couple of people I was writing a screenplay. Big mistake. Another me and my big mouth. So, here it is in all it's glory - a little longer than a page because I wanted to include a line or two of my stellar dialogue. And since it was written in Word, I did a copy and paste so please excuse the lack of formatting.

BLACK SCREEN

Abstracted voices on top of each other simultaneously shouting comments and enthusiastically cheering.

TITLE SEQUENCE intercuts on black screen with the following shots.

EXT. SOCCER FIELD - EARLY EVENING

The source of the voices - parents cheering, coaches yelling at their players, referee whistles blowing. A light rain is falling. Extreme C.U. of a soccer cleat making contact on the ball with a strong THUD.

BLACK SCREEN

The thud on the soccer ball becomes the sound that precedes the roar of a big rig semi engine starting up.

EXT. GAS STATION - EARLY EVENING

Extreme C.U. of the front grill of the vibrating semi. The same light rain is falling.

BLACK SCREEN

Truck noise transforms back to the noise of the soccer game.

ON THE SOCCER GAME

Two kids collide as they both charge the soccer ball.

BLACK SCREEN

The noise of the soccer game transform back to the noise of the truck.

ON THE SEMI

The driver is checking the gears and brakes etc. on the rig.

BLACK SCREEN

Noise transforms again.

ON THE SOCCER GAME

The rain is heavier now but the action continues, the crowd noise seemingly amplified by the rain. A player makes a pass through two defenders to his teammate, who fires the ball through the goalies legs for a goal. As the players, parents and coaches cheer the ref blows his whistle three times in succession, indicating the end of the game.

BLACK SCREEN

The refs whistle becomes the screeching sound of the semi’s brakes being engaged.

END TITLES

ON THE SEMI

The headlights illuminate the pouring rain as the trucker pulls out of the gas station.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. SOCCER FIELD

The soccer floodlights similarly illuminate the field. The teams finish their customary hand shakes. As the winning team runs to their sideline, the players are high-fiving CHARLY, the kid who scored the winning goal.

The kids are oblivious to the pouring rain. This weather is typical for Chicago in the late autumn and the kids are used to playing in it. Charly rushes over to two women standing on the sidelines.

SARA, Charly’s mom, has spent many seasons at the field so she is dressed weather-ready and holding an oversized umbrella which also covers her best friend, ANNE.

Anne is obviously not a mom. She wearing a professional outfit suitable for showing her client’s real estate. Despite the weather both women are smiling and giving Charly a thumbs up from under the umbrella. Sara has a dry towel ready for Charly when he comes off the field.

SARA
Let’s get out of this rain.

(Add in more dialogue and character development here...Charly takes off to talk to best friend... more chance to develop Sara and Anne’s diffs and/or Charly’s goodness)

The three of them squeeze under the umbrella and run for the cars. They stop at Anne’s car.

ANNE
Great game Charly, thanks for inviting me.

CHARLY
Thanks for coming out in this crappy weather.

ANNE
I wouldn’t have missed it.
(to Sara)
Lunch tomorrow, right?

SARA
(hugging Anne)
See you tomorrow. Drive carefully.

Sara and Charly head for their car.

CUT TO:
And guess what, there's more to the story of my first effort. So, stay tuned...the saga continues...

3 comments:

Moviequill said...

I see the semi plowing into their car already...

Unknown Screenwriter said...

Are YOU sure this isn't a screenwriting blog, Chesherino???

Unk

Cynthia said...

Ha! In my experience, just when one thinks no one is watching, suddenly everyone is. Can't count on being ignored.

I liked the ref's whistle morphing into the semi's brakes.

PS. What's wrong with screenwriting blogs?