Dear Mr. Union Dockworker,
This is a picture of my garage that I took tonight, which btw is much bigger than it looks in this photograph:
Notice anything funny about it, Mr. Union Dockworker? Hello? Are you there? Are you hearing me? I asked you if you notice anything funny about my garage.
What? You don't know the answer to a simple question?
Let me give you a little hint. Just come in a little closer so I can whisper it in your hairy, wax-encrusted ear.
And you know what?
It's not supposed to be empty. It's supposed to be filled with boxes full of this little book I did that just happen to be lazing in the bowels of some ship that has been SITTING IN THE PORT SINCE SUNDAY!!!!!
You know the books were supposed to be delivered on MONDAY - I know you know because I have spent the past three days bitching at people who have subsequently been bitching at you - so we could send them out to the wholesalers so they could get them to the stores for the November 1st release date.
Okay, okay...I know it wasn't your fault that some jackass in China off-loaded my shipment in favor of someone else's WITHOUT NOTIFYING ANYBODY so it was late getting to you, but Jesus Mr. Union Dockworker, why the hell can't you just get the container off the ship and put it on the truck and wave the truck north on the 405? Doesn't the damn ship have somewhere else to go? Something else to transport? In short, WHY THE HELL IS IT TAKING YOU SO LONG TO UNLOAD THE FUCKING SHIP?
It would have been fine if you could have had it here on Tuesday. I still could have shipped out ground freight and made my deadlines. And even a Wednesday delivery would have been workable with 2-day air freight. But now it's Thursday and they have to go out overnight. And that's just ridiculous...in the amount of $4200 extra shipping charges ridiculous. And if you don't get them to me on Thursday -- and I mean before 2pm -- it's gonna be all over. The books won't be in the stores on time and IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT!!!
So, please GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS AND UNLOAD MY BOOKS!!!!
Notice that I said "Please."
Me and my 48 friends who are very tired of being stuck in a container below sea level.