Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Robin Gibb Has A Winner

Yes, folks. The ballots are in. Ernst & Young have tabulated the results. The envelope, please. Oh, wait a sec...I need to make an announcement.

First, I want to thank each and every one of the contestants. I know you thought long and hard to come up with the awesome captions. And I know it's difficult to zone in on the little link that takes you to the comment section, especially after a couple of margaritas. And then you had to type in all those letters that made up your brilliant caption. And the rewrites - I'm sure they were hell. And having to identify yourself - well, I know how hard that can be when all those personalties are fighting to get out. And finally, deciphering the word verification letters - well, you gotta be a rocket scientist or have a couple more margaritas to wrap your brain around that task. Or give in and hit the handicapped sign.

So, anyway, thanks for playing and I'm sorry there could only be one winner. Because
in my mind you're all winners! Before I announce the winner, let me say, I accepted no bribes and did not influence the judging in any way...so don't blame me if you didn't win. I would have voted you #1. Really.

All judging was done a panel of impartial judges. They took the job seriously and I thank them for their time and effort. Please give them a round of applause. OK, that's enough.

Unfortunately, I can't thank them publicly by name, in case any of you who didn't win own WMDs. But just so you understand the caliber and diversity of the panel, I will say there were originally seven judges. (BTW, the captions I sent them were numbered - they had no idea who wrote what - and trust me, they didn't cheat and look at the blog. It's hard enough to get strangers to stop by, much less people I know) This panel consisted of a journalist, a big time Hollywood executive, a housewife, a guy down under, a Berkeley student and two musicians (who actually have made records that you can buy from a record store). The thing dragged out for awhile. Initially, I only heard back from three judges - the guy down under, the journalist and finally the Berkeley student. I waited and waited and waited until I just couldn't wait any longer. So, I brought in two relief judges off the bench - a Nicholl Fellowship Finalist and an editor/musician/Halo addict - and I must say, they did a great job. Then I finally heard back from the big time Hollywood Exec (that person actually thought he/she got right back to me...why am I not surprised?). The two musicians are still awol - maybe they died and I can put them in my book...no, no, no, I don't want to put that out in the cosmos - and I guess the housewife had too many margaritas to figure out how to open the email. So, there you have it. I really did have a panel of impartial judges. Doubt even I could make all that up.

OK, I'm ready to open the envelope. Drum roll, please. Oh my God...stop. I almost forgot. Robin Gibb asked me to tell you he really wanted to be here to announce the winner, but alas, he got tied up at the waxing salon. Some last minute emergency.

OK, now I'm really ready. Drum roll, please. (sound effect of drum roll...) Here we go. (sound effect of envelope ripping open...) And the winner is... (sound effect of microphone feedback...)

written by
DAVID ANAXAGORAS

When David is not writing photo captions, he is writing screenplays or posting on his own blog Man Bytes Hollywood.

And somehow (after slipping me a cool C note) (did I say that out loud?), David Anaxagoras also managed to take second place with "Okay, Robin, now take off the sweater."

Screenwriter Tom, over at The One Year Push took a close third with "Since he was the local sports announcer, no one was more surprised than Chet to find himself assigned to cover the Bee Gees concert."

Kira, yet another screen/TV writer living in her own Fresh Hell was fourth.

There was a two-way tie for fifth and a five-way tie for sixth. I'll let the rest of the entrants decide where they landed.

When David decides on the photograph he wants, hopefully he will send in a picture of himself with the photo and I will post it on the blog.

CONGRATS TO ALL!!

4 comments:

Harry Funk said...

Yeah, that was a good one!

Dave Olden said...

What?!
This. Is. Outrageous!
(beat; eyes get wet)
We worked long and hard -- over three years -- on this film, and I'll be damned to have you trample over us like this!
(Guy in suit runs up to podium. whispers in ear)
... Photo contest?
(grabbed by collar; more whispering)
... Yes, actually this does look like the Kodak theater.
(final-ish whispers; sheepish)
Sorry, folks. I have been asked to apologize. Sorry.
(trumps off stage; yanked back to podium)
Okay! Congrats to the winners. Can I go now?

David Anaxagoras said...

Ohmygod I'm so unprepared for this! Um, I'd like to thank all the bullies in my life who taught me to think fast and keep them laughing. I'd also like to thank Robin Gibb for being so damned hairy. Mostly, thanks to Chesher Cat for the blog and for living a life worth sharing!

Chesher Cat said...

Can't wait to hear your oscar speech.